(Continued from Part 1.)
THE BASICS OF TRAVELING BY THUMB
To be successful, a hitchhiker must consider several things:
1. Appearance
2. Destination sign
3. Traveling light
4. Gender and group size
5. Having a map
6. Weapon
7. Food and water
8. Money
9. Just can’t get a ride
10. Shelter
APPEARANCE
Appearance is the single-most important qualification if you want to catch a ride in a timely manner.
The first time hitchhiking home from college, I caught a ride right away, possibly because it was near the university and I looked like a college kid trying to get somewhere. I’d also given up my long-haired days and had a short haircut right out of the pages of the Gentleman’s Quarterly. It only took me a few rides to get home and by the time I had arrived, I discovered that hitchhiking was a quick, inexpensive way to travel. On subsequent trips, I discovered that while it was always a cheap way to travel, it wasn’t always quick.
A clean-cut hitchhiker will catch a ride much more quickly than the guy grubby-looking guy with long hair. Even a well-kept beard can slow things down. While on that cross-country trip when I was 18, with my short hair and clean-cut look I didn’t quite fit the hippie or miscreant stereotype so I was able to complete the 3,200-mile trip in only eight days.
As I’ll mention several times throughout this article, people want to see your face so they can make an initial judgment about whether to stop and pick you up or not. That means sunglasses are a bad idea, and if you’re wearing a hat, tip it back far enough so they can get a good look at your face from a distance.
One of the many surprises on that long trip was when a family in a station wagon picked me up. The wife moved some things out of the way and got into the back seat with the kids. When I jokingly told them it’s a bad idea to pick up hitchhikers, they laughed, then told me, “You looked so young and clean cut we didn’t think you’d be too dangerous.” They were headed to a church conference halfway across the state. We stopped for lunch and while they were inside McDonald’s, they asked me to walk the dog. Rover and I had an amiable bonding experience and when the family came back to the car, they handed me lunch. They were the kind of people you’d be lifelong friends with if you were neighbors.
While bugging out long distance, you probably won’t be getting a shower and laundry service every night so do the best you can on appearance. Wear your most presentable clothes, keep your hair combed, and no matter what, smile. If it’s been a bad day, don’t be scowling and thinking bad thoughts about those hundreds of cars that passed you up in the past two hours. Perhaps there’s something you can do to improve your appearance. Even a bigger smile can help.
On another trip, I stopped for a meal break and when I got back to the on-ramp there was already a guy there trying to catch a ride. He looked like he’d spent the night sleeping in a dumpster curled up with a bottle of Jack Daniels. He looked greasy, his long hair and beard were matted, and he looked like the very last guy on the planet you’d want your daughter bringing home for you to meet. Standing next to him with my thumb out was a no-go from the outset. I didn’t have the time to wait for him to catch a ride first since I figured he was going to be waiting for a long time. I finally tossed hitchhiking etiquette aside, then walked down the ramp far enough so any potential rides would know for certain that I wasn’t with him. Sure enough, not long afterward a car drove past him then stopped to pick me up. Appearance counts!
With today’s “thank a vet” program, hitchhiking wearing military-themed hats or t-shirts would probably get you a ride within fifteen minutes and they’d probably buy you lunch to boot. People just naturally assume that vets are good, non-dangerous people and would be less hesitant to pick one up. Any drivers who are themselves Getting Out of Dodge bugging out, assume that all vets (even submariners) have their marksmanship badge and could ride shotgun on the trip.
In high school, I had a dark blue hat with “NAVY” written in 3” high large yellow letters. It probably could have been seen from hundreds of feet away. Hats and t-shirts will also work even if you’re not a vet, but you’ll have to straighten it all out later with the real vets, a small price to pay to expedite getting to your bug-out retreat. Just remind them that court-martialing doesn’t apply to civilians. If you catch a ride, knowing things like the difference between a P-38 Lightning and a P-38 can opener can help carry the conversation along while you’re apprehensively waiting for the driver to find out you’re not really a vet.
USE A DESTINATION SIGN
For catching a quick ride, having a destination sign is probably the next most important aspect after appearance. Using a sign will give people more information to work with as they’re trying to decide whether to pick you up or not. They’ll know if you just need a ride to the next town or if you’re a long-distance traveler. Some drivers are willing to take you a short distance, or a few hundred miles, but don’t want you along on their overnight drive.
Once, I was picked up by a guy headed to Yellowstone, two days away. My sign let him know I was going long distance, farther than Yellowstone. He picked me up, hoping I could help pay for some of the gas. I told him I was short on funds but I could help some. He said every bit counts so it worked out well for both of us.
It’s imperative that a sign be clear and readable from as far away as possible. The farther away drivers are when they can read it, the more time they have to make a judgment call whether to give you a ride or not.
The name on the sign should have the largest, darkest block letters possible. If you’re bugging out to North Dakota, that’s too many letters to put on a sign so you’ll be better off with “N.D.” or “N. DAK” enabling you to make the letters larger. If the letters are too small, or too light, by the time anybody can read your sign they may already be too far past. Odds are, they won’t be slamming on the brakes to pick you up.
Also, don’t just outline the letters, be sure to fill them in to make them more visible. The black print stands out well, and filling in the letters makes them stand out even better from a distance. Red may look bright when you’re a few feet away but can’t be seen as well as black from a distance. Filling in the letters takes a lot of ink so three Sharpies are one and one is none.
I think of all the DIY yard-sale signs I see when I’m on the highway driving to town. The letters are invariably so small, and so light, and you’re traveling so fast, that most of the time you don’t know if they’re advertising a yard sale, Tupperware party, or free puppies. Keep those sorts of DIY signs in mind when you’re making your bug-out sign and make yours clearly readable by traffic from as far away as possible.
For signs, a cardboard box flap has worked well for me over the years and is easier to hold from the center. If the grid is still up as you’re making your final bug-out preps, a nice high contrast white sign could be made on a printer with large filled-in block letters, then trimmed down so the 11” side is landscape, the 8 ½” side is cut down to 5”, then glued onto a piece of cardboard for strength.
(To be continued tomorrow, in Part 3.)
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