Foiled By Coffee

“I figured this person doesn’t work there,” Sgt. Regan later told local journalists. He watched as she pounded on the cash register keyboard, trying unsuccessfully to open the cash drawer. She then disappeared and returned with two frightened but properly attired Dunkin’ Donuts employees.

“Then I saw her make one of them open the register,” Regan reported. “And when he did that, she scooped up the money.” Regan called for backup, gunned his cruiser, and aimed straight for the big “O” in “Donuts.”

Spotting the coffee-deprived kamikaze cop gearing down on her like a torpedo on the Yamato, the suspect sprang like a tree squirrel to the take-out window, scampered through the slot, and fled.

All’s well that ends well. With a toothy assist from a PD canine, the suspect was brought to heel a short time later and identified as Ella Harold, 26, formerly residing in Philadelphia proper and now lodged in the county jail on a $50,000 bond.

“If she had given him the right order, maybe she would have gotten away,” observed Regan’s boss, Lt. John Scholly. Maybe, indeed. Justice was finally served, and so was Regan’s coffee: large, hot, cream and sugar.

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Mark Moritz hung up his satirical spurs last issue to a collective sigh of relief from America’s gunwriters whom he had lampooned in “Friendly Fire” for two long, painful years. The 10 Ring is written by Commander Gilmore, a retired San Diego police officer who bases his humor, like Mark did, on actual occurrences. All the incidents described by the Commander are true.

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