Timing Is Everything

Running On Empty

“When you’re going to rob a gas station,” says Lt. John Reed, “And you’re almost out of gas, you’re supposed to fill up the tank before you rob the clerk.”

Reed and his fellow officers of the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office in Florida offer this advice — after the fact — to their own nominee for Mental Midget Of The Year, 29-year-old Jeffrey Alan McLeod.

Seems Jeff had a very simple robbery plan. Take an axe into a Chevron Station on U.S. 301, threaten the clerk with same, empty the till, then split in your leased red Chevrolet Cavalier. He only forgot one thing: Gas up the getaway ride before engaging in major crime.

The first part of Jeffrey’s plan went okay, except he hadn’t counted on the marvels of modern technology. The manager of the Chevron station followed McLeod outside with a cellular phone, reporting his description, the car’s make, model and color, and Jeffrey’s direction of travel to sheriff’s deputies. As Jeffrey cruised into Hillsborough, sheriff’s cars fell into pursuit position like sharks on a spastic mackerel.

The chase booted up to a brisk 107 mph, then immediately wound down when the Cavalier sputtered to a halt, its gas gauge needle knockin’ on “E.”

Lt. Reed said McLeod had all the loot in his lap when they stopped him, and he didn’t seem tempted to try to hide it with about a dozen guns pointed at his head Reed said the money just spilled to the ground when Jeffrey very slowly and carefully got out of the Chevy and stood up.

Hey, don’t worry about this one learning from his mistakes and doing better next time. For one thing, prosecutors are looking at him for some similar robberies involving a white guy with an axe in a red car, so it might be a long time before next time.

And for another, we’ve seen his picture. If looks are any indication, learning ain’t his strong suit.